We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
