My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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