You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
