How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
