just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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