Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
