I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
