Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
