Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
