I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
