Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
