I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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