Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
