He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
