hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
