It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
