Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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