I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
