I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
