You made me cry and you don't even care
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
