I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
