why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
