Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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