But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
