Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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