Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
