I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
