Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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