remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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