the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
