I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
