Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
