She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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