Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
