we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
