You're my little dorito
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
