I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
