That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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