this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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