I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
