Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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