Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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