sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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