He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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