I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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