Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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