Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
