Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
