I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
