I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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