I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize