I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
