somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
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I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am one with the molecules
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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