bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
