my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
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I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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