I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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