Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
where am i from again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
