the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
