I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
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Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Who put my cat in the fridge?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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