the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
