Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
