Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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