Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My pussy is not your playground.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
