Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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