So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
