We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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