i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
