You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
