If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
