also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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