Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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