if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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