At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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