Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
