if i can run in heels then i can drive
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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