I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
