East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
me + whiskey = a bad person
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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