with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
